心兒，再次輕輕起飛。

Yeah. Pachelbel’s Canon in D. It was a big hit in the classical world, and I know this because I’m a geek. I know what you thinking: “Rob, you can’t be a geek, you play guitar, you’re so cool.”

Okay, you weren’t thinking that, but I was. Um… well I haven’t always been this cool because I haven’t always played the guitar. I started out on the cello. Yeah, the cello is a wonderful, beautiful instrument. It’s cool to be an adult who plays the cello, though being a kid who played the cello… sucked. ‘Cos there’s no way to be cool when your instrument is larger than you. When you walk to school with a cello, you’re like a wounded gazelle on a safari. The boys just smell you coming from a mile away: “Sniff sniff, ooh I don’t know what that thing is, but I know I’m gonna break it!”

But I put up with all the abuse because I loved the music we played. I loved everything we played in orchestra… except this.

I hate Pachelbel’s Canon in D with a passion.

I hate it so much because the cello part is the worst cello part ever written in the history of cello parts. It’s eight quarter notes (crotchets) that we repeated over and over again. They are as follows:
D A B F# G D G A

And that’s all we got to play. We repeated those notes 54 times… I counted, because I had nothing else to do. I would sit back and listen to the violins get lovely melodies, the violas would get lovely melodies, the second violins would get lovely melodies, which should just not happen, and the cello? We got stuck with 8 crappy lousy stinking notes and I began to wonder why? Why would Pachelbel do that to us, such a beautiful instrument? And my theory was that he once dated a cellist, and she dissed him really bad, and so for the rest of his life he came up with the worst cello parts he could ever think of.

It wouldn’t be so bad if I didn’t hear him everyday… I know what you’re thinking, you’re thinking: “Rob, don’t listen to classical radio anymore.” But it doesn’t matter. Pachelbel’s following me. It sounds paranoid, but he’s following you too, you hear him every day. I dunno, I went to my step-nephew’s eighth grade graduation, and their graduation song was the one by Vitamin C, you know: “As we go on, we’ll remember, la la-la la la-la…”

So on the drive home I switched on some classic rock, some Aerosmith: “There was a ti-i-ime, when I was so broken-hearted la la-la la la-la…”

So I got home, I thought I’d clear my mind with some folk-music, no: “Listen children to my story, it was written long ago, and la la-la la la-la…”

They do Pachelbel, just like everybody does Pachelbel just to torment me. I don’t even go to Taco Bell anymore because it sounds too close.

I hate Pachelbel with a passion, I don’t even know his first name. It was probably Johann, they’re all named Johann. And when you think about it, he’s the original one-hit wonder. He had one hit three hundred years ago, and it’s my cross to bear my entire life. Where are they now, that’s what I wanna know, where are you now, Pachelbel-I-love-the-1790s?! Where is it?!

If he could just stay away from music that I love, it’d be better, but he won’t, he is shameless. He will follow me to the ends of the Earth!

I went to Horn Festival, thinking, “No, he couldn’t possible follow me to the Horn Festival!” but you know who’s at the Horn Festival? Bill Straddler, so that means that Pachelbel’s also at the Horn Festival, so that means, “Suck it in suck it in suck it in remberall, make a makeshift move and then you’re in, and la la-la la la-la…”
So I think, “I’m going to listen to punk rock for the rest of my life. No dice.”
“Do you have the time, to listen to me whine, and la la-la la la-la…”
“You know I’m getting really bored, ‘cos all songs have the same d*** chords. Punk music is a joke, it’s really just baroque. Am I just paranoid? And la la-la la la-la…”
“I wanna push you around and I will, I will. I wanna push you down and I will, I will. It’s been good living with you, and my machine had been with the rest, and my machine had… See the stone set in her eye, see the thorns within her… I’m all outta faith, this is how I feel, I‘m cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor… He was a boy, she was a girl, can I make it any more obvious?... We’re not gonna take it, no, we’re not gonna take it, on your marks, get set and go now, got a dream that we just know now… No woman, no cry… When I find myself in times of trouble, Pachelbel’s always following me! I’ll see you in h** Pachelbel. Oh Pachelbel, Pachelbel, I’ll see your a** in h**, Pachelbel. I’ll see you in h** Pachelbel…”